my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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