Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
