I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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