I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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