omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm like, not good at living.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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