I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
