Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
