If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
