Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
