I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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