Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
