He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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