suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
