Tell her she can't have a vagina
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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