I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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