My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
