i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
