So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
