His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just used a chaser for red wine.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
