Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
