you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i may or may not be watching the land before time
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
