this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
