My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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