with your own penis?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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