I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
