He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
