He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
