my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
