Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
