so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
