it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
