who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
