Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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