Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
