so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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