JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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