just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
