She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
