I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
