I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
