yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
