Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
