Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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