I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
