how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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