I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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