am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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