I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
