Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
