I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
