p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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