She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
