i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
