he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
