I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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