If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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