Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
