Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its about making memories worth repressing
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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