There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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